Determining When to Divorce your Spouse in Orange County California
Marriage and divorce can be two of the most life-changing decisions a person can make. While most people approach marriage with happiness and excitement with some nerves thrown in, divorce can seem daunting, financially overwhelming and emotionally unsettling.
So, how do you know when filing for a divorce is the right choice for you?
There is an obvious end to the marriage: infidelity, abuse, or violence
Divorce is a major decision and should be thought out and discussed with an attorney - unless you’re in immediate danger. If you or your children are facing abuse or domestic violence, contact the authorities immediately and discuss divorce with an attorney once you are no longer in danger.
While some couples are willing to work through infidelity, many consider it to be a deal breaker. Whether one partner is leaving the other for a new person or the infidelity has ended, it is a valid reason to seek divorce.
You fantasize about being single again
It is normal to miss some aspects of your single life. However, years into a marriage, when you have convinced yourself that your future self would be better off single, you have already taken yourself out of the marriage.
Your partner has asked for a divorce or stopped communicating with you
In California, if a spouse or partner files divorce paperwork, the other spouse cannot stop the divorce process. If your partner is leaving, the decision is out of your hands, and you should hire an attorney.
You don’t see eye-to-eye -- on anything
Occasional disagreements are normal, until disagreeing is more normal than agreeing. If you and your spouse cannot agree on anything or are having communication issues, consider marriage counseling or a trial separation. If you cannot work through these issues, divorce might be the best option for you.
Your spouse does not treat you the way you deserve to be treated
This can range from continual disrespect to passive-aggressive behavior to domestic violence or emotional abuse. Not only is much of this behavior illegal, but you know you deserve better.
You no longer respect your partner or spouse
Respect is key to any relationship, not just marriages and domestic partnerships. If neither of you respects the other and you aren’t willing to put in the effort, marriage counseling is less likely to work and divorce may be the best option.
You have tried separation, and preferred it or noticed no changes
Prior to a divorce, separation can give you a glimpse of the single life while still legally remaining married. A judge can divide property, issue court orders regarding child custody and visitation, and initiate spousal support payments without granting a divorce.
If a legal separation yields no change or leaves you happier than when you were married, divorce may be the best option for you.
You are only staying together for the kids
Kids know when there is something going on and their parents are not happy. Staying in an unhappy marriage can be just as damaging, if not more so, to children than divorcing. Usually, two happy parents who are separated can do a better job parenting than two miserable parents who choose to stay together in their unhappiness.
If the fact that you have children is the ONLY reason you are remaining in a marriage, consider the best interests of your children and discuss your options with an attorney. It is always important to raise children in the best situation possible.
Marriage counseling did not help you work through your issues
If you and your spouse tried marriage counseling to work through any issues you had in your marriage, that means you care enough about yourselves, each other, and the marriage to work on it. However, if you are unable to resolve your issues, this should also mean that you respect yourselves and each other to know that sometimes moving on is healthier for both of you.
You have researched divorce, or discussed your situation with an attorney, and feel comfortable moving forward with divorce
Considering your options, researching divorce lawyers and discussing your potential case with an attorney prove that you have seriously thought about divorce, you understand the consequences, and you are ready to discuss the divorce with your partner, or to file paperwork.
If you have moved out of the family home or made separate financial arrangements in addition to discussing your case with an attorney, it is time to talk to your spouse.
Not Sure Divorce is Your Best Option?
Consider Marriage Counseling or a Legal Separation
If you’re considering divorce, but not sure it is the right option for you, consider which parts of your marriage cause you unhappiness or worry. Can these be resolved by talking with your partner? Is marriage counseling an option for you?
Are you and/or your partner considering divorce, but not ready to take the plunge? Legal separation is an option to consider before filing for divorce. A legal separation allows you to remain married, but can still involve court orders such as child custody, child and spousal support, and property division. A taste of divorced life may be what you need to make you and your partner realize that you either want to work out your marriage or end it.
Using Divorce as a Threat
Threatening to divorce your partner is never a good idea. If you are serious about divorce, it is best to discuss your options with a divorce lawyer and prepare yourself financially, mentally, and emotionally.
Divorce threats are often made out of anger and frustration, in order to gain control, or as a wake-up call. Consistent divorce threats will likely cause your partner to lose respect or trust for you, which may lead to a divorce in the end.
Discuss your Potential Divorce with an Orange County Divorce Attorney
The compassionate family lawyers at Yanez & Associates will listen to your concerns and help you to decide whether a divorce is the right option for you. Contact us today for your free initial consultation.
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